Does no contact work?

When you break up for any reason, it is recommended not to have any contact with the other party for 21 days or a month. In doing so, you will avoid confrontations of any kind. After a period of no contact, the other party will probably return and rebuild the broken relationship, otherwise, you should move on. But does no contact work when you look forward to getting your ex back?

While at times this distance can be really effective and cause the other party to come back, if you start going no contact without carefully examining your relationship, the consequences can be irreparable. In this article, we want to acquaint you with the consequences of the no contact rule in detail. Spare a few moments to find out if going no contact works for you.

Is there such a law at all?

Because of the complexity of human relationships and the differences between them, having a single law or solution doesn’t make sense. A brief review reveals that such a law doesn’t exist in any text or scientific source, and these sources don’t confirm the existence of such a law.

No contact law emphasizes that those who have broken up must go no contact for 21 to 30 days under any circumstances. However, in some relationships, there is no need to apply this law and it can even be dangerous in some cases!

21 days or a month is either not enough or it may even be too much!

If two people are in an intimate relationship for so long and love each other a lot, being away from each other for 21days or a month is certainly not enough time to improve the relationship or bring the other side back.

After a relationship ends, a lot of issues need to be addressed so that you can give your relationship a second chance. If your partner has left the relationship due to a mistake on your part, distancing yourself from your partner will not help you in this case.

So by going no contact, instead of reconsidering your mistakes and doing your best to attract the other side, you are probably repelling him/her!

And what is more important is that going no contact in a situation where partners want to get married, or married couples who are likely to have legal issues, regardless of their circumstances, acts like a deadly poison!

It seems easy to imagine not having any contact with your partner for at least 21 days. However, waiting for 21 days or a month is so hard and unbearable in practice if you have feelings for him/her. At this point, you need to know that just passing the time and doing nothing will not help you when you go no contact, but the important issue is how to apply the no contact rule!

If you are going to distance yourself, how can you make your partner come back to you while you cut off all means of communication? How can you change your beliefs and thoughts for the better during this period? What changes do you need to improve your relationship? What decisions should you make in this regard?

When there is no plan to manage this distance, nostalgia overwhelms you and makes you feel emotional again, and, eventually, you are far from getting back with your partner.

Waiting in vain will not change anything!

At times you focus on yourself and try to improve your personality to have a fulfilling relationship, but your ex is not eager to reconsider the past issues because you mistreated them. As such, you shouldn’t expect your ex to return after going no contact.

In such a situation, you should learn not to think back over past issues anymore by focusing on yourself, and, little by little, you’ll get back to normal.

Further, you can meet new people and, in doing so, you increase the chances of getting familiar with a new guy/girl. Don’t forget to read the very article on starting a new relationship after the breakup if you want more information in this regard.

Losing the right relationship!

Many relationships that could have been repaired and revived are lost when partners go no contact without considering their circumstances. If you suddenly distance yourself from your partner without any information, you may provide grounds for his/her skepticism.

So, it’s best to let your partner know that you’re distancing yourself for some time, and don’t forget that going no contact would be of great help in some cases. The following examples will tell you why:

1. You’ve mistreated your ex

If you’ve been emotionally abusive and your ex has left you, going no contact does not work since s/he doesn’t have anything to do with you. But, how can you change your bad habits while you go no contact?

The answer is “going no contact” itself. When you go no contact, you will give your ex some space and, in doing so, some of his/her negative memories will fade away.

Moreover, you can focus on the ways on how to make your ex miss you during no contact if you are after a fulfilling relationship.

2. You’ve been ignored by your ex for so long

This one absolutely sucks. You may realize that s/he is not attracted to you anymore. But, as soon as you go no contact, your ex is emotionally distant. And, at this point, you have enough time to focus on the ways that lead you to restore that lost attraction.

According to experts, the no contact rule doesn’t work temporarily because both parties will have plenty of time to cool off and reconsider their issues.

So whenever you go no contact, remind yourself that you’re halfway through your goal and s/he will be attracted to you again. As the old saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

3. Your ex is on a rebound

At some point, you may think going no contact doesn’t work when your ex is on a rebound. But the best thing, for you, to do right after you realize that your ex is dating someone else would be to be confident because, at this point, your ex expects you to plead and cry.

But, you don’t do such a thing. When your ex finds out that you’re not even into fizzling out the rebound and that you seem indifferent to the new girl/guy, s/he will doubt whether dumping you was the right decision.

In doing so, you will, implicitly, increase your value to your ex and they will long for being with you again. Nevertheless, you should remember that going no contact won’t work if jealousy gets the best of you!

4. Post-breakup mistakes

Going no contact is in line with accepting the reality and moving on. The more you distance yourself from your ex, the higher the chances of getting them back. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, it’s just the way to become more self-reliant and avoid making post-breakup mistakes.

Put simply, you have to get back into the right headspace where you are happy with yourself. Keep in mind that acting out your desperation would be a huge turn-off if you want to get your ex back. Also, it’s a good idea to consider everything that may go wrong in advance, or, more importantly, you can think of some possible questions and try to qualify your answers, instead of giving simple yes-or-no replies when you are ready to meet your ex after no contact. In doing so, you will learn how to respond to your ex after no contact.

The Bottom Line

You should act according to your circumstances! The right solution is to explain your situation to a counselor before taking any serious action. The consultant will help you make the best decision based on your circumstances with the exact evaluation of your relationship. Is it really in your best interest to go no contact or not? If so, how do you manage this distance, and what are your plans after going no contact?

As long as you know when, where, and why no contact rule is going to work, you won’t feel disappointed when the deadline comes. That’s when you will benefit from going no contact insofar as it teaches how to restart your life after the breakup, followed by steps on how to focus on yourself after a breakup, and, only then, it provides you with guidelines on how to get your ex back.

Read more

How to be a good listener in a relationship

I just want my best friend back

What to do when he’s distancing himself?

How to communicate better with your spouse

Is getting back with an ex a good idea?

How to be your best self in a relationship

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