How can someone love you but leave you?

When your partner leaves you for no good reason, it certainly makes you feel very upset and despondent. You can find yourself constantly asking: “Why did s/he leave me?” or “wasn’t s/he really in love with me?” That is the other party no longer sees prospects for a long-term relationship with you. And insofar as you have not betrayed him/her, then separation is not your fault.
In this article, we will answer the very question “how can someone love you but leave you?” in detail. Spare a few minutes to find out the reasons why some people leave the person they love with one hand tied behind their back.

To begin with, it is important to note that this separation is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong and there is nothing you can do to save this relationship. After all, you did not deserve such treatment and heartbreak. People who are polite and considerate will try to talk to you about the problems in your relationship, try to solve the problems, or leave you at least once and tell you their reasons in advance. In fact, the reason for this separation is not that you are “not attractive or good enough.” Sometimes separation is not about what you did and did not do. This is a kind of separation from the other party, who was a coward and didn’t dare to do things on time.

This type of separation is extremely traumatic, and depending on the severity of the separation, it is perfectly normal for a person not to feel well for months. Some girls experience severe depression after separation, while others may become extremely reluctant to falling in love and starting a new relationship. Maybe if you find out that your love is leaving you for the sake of another girl, or that s/he had an affair with someone right after your breakup, you may be fantasizing about confronting that girl. Remember that our minds don’t make sound decisions, so if you feel that you don’t have the ability to control your behavior or violent thoughts, you may need to get good professional advice from a psychologist to resolve this issue.

Remember that no two human beings are alike in the traits they possess, so there may be many reasons to leave. In what follows, you will find the most probable reasons why a boy, who is in love with you, may suddenly break up with you. Of course, it is necessary to mention here that the cases explained below are the only reasons why the person doesn’t want to continue his relationship with you, but leaving or blocking you without talking is more of a behavioral issue than a cause!

Separation due to the passage of time

It is possible that over time, with each word, the relationship between you will be strained on account of a breakdown in communication until your partner decides to leave. One of the biggest reasons why you may be separated is the issue of scheduling. Sometimes it seems that some couples suit each other and feel satisfied, but if their love story ends, everything falls apart at once. A relationship may have ended and the other party may feel that s/he can no longer get what s/he wants (maybe the other party is too young, unemployed, or something like that) and no longer wants to continue the relationship.

S/he can’t forget his/her past and come to terms with it

You may have the most resemblance to the woman of his dreams who has always been looking for him/her, but if s/he has suffered emotionally in the past, then s/he will see only the negative aspects of the relationship, especially if these negative dimensions are present in his current relationship. In fact, some men experience such psychological damage in relationships that had a negative outlook on them. Mind that such an outlook is more likely to spread from one relationship to another, especially if they have been abused by their ex-lover. Just as men can easily undermine women’s self-esteem, women can do the same, and that is an undeniable fact. If this has happened to him/her in the past, then s/he will leave you, even if you have not done anything wrong to him/her. (To know more see how to be your best self in a relationship.)

S/he is so interested in you

Some people think that saying, “s/he broke up with you because s/he was too interested in you” is just to soothe a broken heart. But is there any truth behind this? The answer to this question is yes. This statement can be true. Sometimes it is possible for a man to fall in love with someone for the first time from the bottom of his heart and this deep love scares him/her because some men don’t know how to control the feeling of “love”, this makes them think of ending the relationship. In this situation, they don’t know how to behave properly because they have never experienced such a feeling before.

S/he doesn’t love you

It is possible that everything is going right both in your mind and in reality. At this point, everything seems to be great in your relationship, until suddenly s/he looks into your eyes and marks the end of this relationship. In this case, you will be stunned and ask him/her the reason for this separation, and when s/he tells you that the only reason is that there is no love between you, you will be confused and feel betrayed. It is better to know that there is a difference between “being in love” with someone and “loving” someone. If s/he loves you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s in love with you. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try to save the relationship, but things don’t go your way and it isn’t your fault. You shouldn’t blame him/her for breaking up with you because it isn’t his fault that s/he doesn’t have a special feeling for you. (To read more see how to make your partner feel loved and appreciated.)

S/he doesn’t consider himself/herself worthy of you

Although this is rare, it can happen in any relationship. If a man thinks that you are very good and s/he doesn’t deserve you, then s/he is constantly harsh on himself and in this way blames himself. To put it another way, s/he has made you a holy goddess in such a way that s/he will have a negative view of himself when it comes to self-esteem. At this moment, s/he thinks about what you have seen in him/her that you have entered into a relationship with him/her and s/he gradually loses his self-confidence. Eventually, s/he decides to break up with you for the fear that one day you will see his real self. This type of separation may be considered unfaithful because you didn’t make any mistakes in this case. All s/he is trying to do is get you out of the relationship before you humiliate him/her. This kind of breakup is so bitter and frustrating.

S/he has obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

No matter how many positive traits you have, men with obsessive-compulsive disorder are very idealistic and that is why they are looking for a woman who is perfect. These people are always looking for perfection and the best, and when they don’t meet their ideals, they become frustrated. In fact, they don’t think that what they expect from you as a human being is unrealistic at all, so after a while, they will probably try to end their relationship with you.

In addition, a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder may not be able to easily decide what to choose. S/he is always waiting for the best, and since finding the best one is not always easy, s/he is constantly in doubt as to whether his decision is right or not. For example, you may have many of the positive traits that s/he has in mind, but s/he is frustrated that s/he can’t make the right decision, and to get rid of this clutter, s/he prefers to end the relationship altogether. Sometimes it is seen that the other party marries another one after breaking up with you, and you ask yourself: “what did I do wrong?” Or “what was wrong with me?,” and so forth. The fact is that in many cases, such boys remind themselves that “I alone can’t make the right decision for my life and I’m constantly skeptical about my choices, so it’s better to be carefree and let my family and friends choose the right girl for me.”

S/he is emotionally immature

One of the preconditions of a relationship is maturity. Mature people know well how to manage their communication, if they are upset with someone, and how to talk to their partners. But “how can someone love you but leave you?
When the person is not mature enough to communicate, they may leave the relationship with the slightest problem because they don’t know yet what to do in times of trouble or how to talk to you to solve a problem in your relationship.

Lack of high self-esteem

Self-esteem is one of the most important factors in a relationship that predicts success or failure with a high percentage. When a person doesn’t have good self-esteem, s/he constantly thinks that s/he can’t provide a good life for you or doesn’t deserve you. Such thoughts cause a person to suddenly find himself very weak and inappropriate and think that it is better not to enter your life. (To know more read how to communicate better with your spouse.)

Fear of relationship

One of the most important issues that affect the emotional relationship is the attachment style of people who have entered into a relationship with each other. A person’s attachment style determines the type of relationships they will have in adulthood (whether emotional or non-emotional). But how are attachment styles created? Everyone’s attachment styles are developed in infancy and in interaction with the primary caregiver (usually the mother). Depending on how the mother interacts with her child, s/he will find a special kind of attachment. Recent research has identified four types of attachment styles, which are described below:

Secure attachment

“I emotionally attach to others. I feel comfortable when I become dependent on others or others feel dependent on me.”
People who have a secure attachment style consistently have at least a number of the following characteristics:

• These people have high emotional intelligence and are able to convey emotions in a proper and constructive way.

• They have the ability to transmit and receive healthy intimacy.

• If necessary, they set healthy, appropriate, and reasonable boundaries.

• They feel safe being alone as well as with others.

• They have a positive outlook on personal relationships and interactions.

• They have the ability to deal with interpersonal problems. When solving problems, they argue with the other party instead of attacking him/her.

• People with a secure attachment style are not that perfect. They, like everyone else, have their ups and downs in life and may be upset if provoked. With this in mind, their mature approach to relationships makes this the best of the four adult attachment styles.

Anxious attachment/preoccupied

“I want to feel completely close to others emotionally, but I often find that others are reluctant to approach me the way I want. I feel sad about not being in a close relationship, but sometimes I worry that they will not value me as much as I value others.”

People with high levels of anxious attachment style usually have at least some of the following characteristics on an ongoing basis:

• They generally feel more nervous and less secure about relationships, especially romantic ones.

• There are many stressors in their relationships based on both real and imaginary events. These stressors can manifest themselves through a variety of possible ways such as need, monopoly or ownership, jealousy, control, mood swings, hypersensitivity, obsession, and so on.

• They are suspicious of those around them and are usually pessimistic about the professions, behaviors, and intentions of others.

• To feel safe and accepted among people, they need constant tenderness and credibility. These people show a negative reaction if they don’t continuously reinforce positive thoughts.

• They are drama-oriented and constantly work on relationship issues (sometimes on inventing devices) in order to gain credibility, reassurance, and acceptance. Some of these people feel more comfortable in stormy relationships than in quiet ones.

• They do not like to be alone and suffer from loneliness.

• They have a history of emotional turmoil.

Dismissive/avoidant attachment

In this style of attachment, “I feel comfortable without close emotional relationships. A sense of independence and self-sufficiency is very important to me, and I prefer not to rely on others and vice versa.”

People with a strong level of dismissive/avoidant attachment usually have at least a few of the following characteristics on a regular basis:

• They are very self-centered and self-sufficient.

• They are behaviorally and emotionally independent.

• Such people learned, as children, that they could not trust their mother because she wasn’t with them when they needed her. For this reason, they bring distrust into their adulthood and think that they shouldn’t enter into a relationship with anyone, because it is not clear that they will be by their side when they need them, and if they do enter into contact, it may be because of their fear of being left alone, they prefer to end the relationship themselves. (To read more on this see how to communicate effectively in a relationship.)

• They avoid the real intimacy that makes a person vulnerable and may choose the dismissive/avoidant style of emotional commitment.

• They desire physical and emotional freedom (“No one can limit me.”) They reject those who come too close to them (“I need distance to breathe.”)

• Most often, other life priorities such as work, social life, personal projects, travel, entertainment, etc. replace romantic relationships. In such a situation, the person often distances himself from his mistress and has only a marginal presence.

• Many of them have problems with adhering to commitments. Some of these people prefer to stay single. Even in committed relationships, they are inclined to be more independent.

• They may have many acquaintances, but they have close relationships with a few of them.

Fearful-Avoidant attachment

“I feel kind of upset when I approach others. I like to have close emotional relationships, but it is difficult for me to fully trust or become dependent on others. Sometimes I worry that if I allow myself to get too close to others, I might get hurt.”

People with a high level of fearful-avoidant attachment have at least a few of the following characteristics:

• They often have very difficult life experiences such as grief, quitting, and abuse.

• They like to have a close and intimate relationship and at the same time resist entering into such a relationship. They have a lot of internal conflicts with them.

• It is difficult for them to trust and rely on others.

• They are afraid of being hurt emotionally or physically in close and romantic relationships.

• Like the anxious attachment style, they are skeptical of the intentions, words, and actions of others.

• Like the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, they avoid communicating with others and have only a limited number of close and intimate relationships.

Apart from the secure attachment style, other styles are afraid of staying in a relationship. For this reason, some of them don’t enter into any relationship at all, or if they do, they certainly can’t establish a healthy one. As such, one of the most important things to consider in your relationship is your partner’s attachment style. So keep in mind that people with insecure attachment styles may end their relationship with you at any time, and this is not necessarily because of you.

Read More

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