How to get a friend back after you hurt them
Recent studies suggest that sometimes there are ambiguities and disagreements between two friends that may cause annoyance on their parts. This becomes more painful when they spend sweet moments together and have family outings. However, it must be admitted that these things happen in life and people get upset and angry with each other, but after a while, they want to let go of everything, reconcile, and shake hands as before. Although it seems impossible to get a friend back after you hurt them, you can find ways on how to get a friend back after you hurt them, some of which are shared with you in this article. Read on to find the best way to mend their broken hearts.
1. Control your emotions when it comes to discussion
Some of us lose control when we get angry and may say things we didn’t mean to say. If you find yourself or a friend with this condition, tell him or her immediately that you will talk to him/her later and get the discussion out of the way or hang up the phone. Even if your friend says something bad that hurts your feelings, do not try to get into an argument again. Tell yourself s/he’s doing something wrong and try to forget it.
2. Take a few deep breaths to relax
The first thing you need to do after a heated argument is to take a few deep breaths. When you are angry, it may seem difficult to calm down, but staying angry is not good for your health and prevents you from reconciling with your friend. So do these things if you want to know how to get a friend back after you hurt them:
Breathe in slowly through your nose and then exhale through your mouth. Do this several times and focus on relaxing both your mind and body with each breath. More than that, you can go walking, eat a delicious ice cream, and do things you enjoy. Remember that everything you do should result in clearing your mind.
3. Accept your mistakes
It is a fact that neither in divorce nor in quarrels between two people and even in wars between two countries, all the blame is never on one side. Be a little humble and think about what you have done and said that the situation has reached here. Try to look at things from your friend’s point of view and think of what you have said from a new angle. In doing so, you may come up with the following questions:
Were you stressed out?
Weren’t you in a good mood? How has this issue affected your argument?
Didn’t your friend or spouse want to tell you something that you ignored?
Did you hurt their feelings?
4. Try to see things from your friend’s point of view
This is called empathy. It may be very difficult for you to put yourself in his/her shoes, but if you can empathize with your friend, s/he will understand that how important s/he is to you and that you aren’t only concerned with your own feelings.
5. Don’t express how you feel
Don’t talk behind your friend’s back and don’t let anyone know why you had an argument. More importantly, you shouldn’t mention anything about this argument on social media. Doing so will only make matters worse, and things will get out of control. Never forget that talking behind someone’s back will aggravate the situation. Even if you think your friend is worthy of criticism, be kind. You should be the person who sees the good in others. If you talk behind your friend’s back, s/he will finally understand, so it’s best to employ compassion instead of criticism.
6. If possible, reconcile with your friend within two or three days
Argument and annoyance will grow like mushrooms and weeds. You need to start early and not let the roots of your friendship dry up. We have said before that let a little time pass, but try to get things back to normal after a few days. Of course, this time depends on the person. Some people forget everything in just 5 minutes and some even take a few months to get out of the cocoon of sadness. To get better results, don’t miss reading the very article on how to become friends with someone again.
7. Wait until you are ready to apologize
If you rush and reconcile with a friend on the pretext that you are tired of arguing, s/he will surely realize that you aren’t honest about your feelings and you haven’t reconciled with him/her from the bottom of your heart. When you see that you are no longer angry, or rather than thinking about his/her upsetting words and deeds, you want to get close to him/her again, knowing that you are ready to apologize.
8. Don’t apologize just because you want your friend to apologize
Your friend may not be ready to accept your apologies the time you want to make apologies for what has happened. You have to say that you apologize for hurting his/her feelings. That is, you should meet your friend and talk to him/her without any expectations. Even if your friend is not into accepting your apologies, you should apologize for the wrong you have done. Just ask him/her to listen to you and let him/her know you are regretful about how you treated him/her.
9. Set a time to talk to your friend
It would be great if you could talk face to face, and that way, the honesty of your feelings will show. Agree on a time and place to meet each other. When you see your friend, start by saying things like, “I really miss talking to you” or “I really regret what I said and I just wanted to apologize to you.”
Give your friend more time if s/he isn’t ready to talk. You can also send him/her a written apology with your own handwriting and invite him/her to see you so that you can talk to him/her in person. In doing so, you increase the chances of mending this broken friendship.
10. Express your apology honestly and openly
Don’t settle for a simple apology. You should think carefully about what you want to say and express your apology and regret in words. If you know that you have hurt his/her feelings, apologize for what you said and say, for example, “I’m really sorry for what I told you that day. You see, I respect you much more than that, and what I said was rude.” Or if you really think you are not to blame for the argument, tell your friend, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier to catch up with you.”
11. Let them talk
When you apologize, now let your friend express his/her feelings. At this point, you should listen carefully to his/her words and try not to be defensive. You may have done something wrong or said something annoying at that moment and you don’t recall it right now. For more information on this issue be sure to read non-judgmental listening.
12. Give your opinion on the argument
You can talk about what happened between you and your friend, but don’t use this as an excuse to ignore your mistakes. Use the pronoun “my” instead of “your” and avoid whining or complaining about your friend. For example, you can say, “I was under a lot of pressure that day and I went crazy and I shouldn’t have reacted that way” or “I was very upset when you didn’t listen to me, but I shouldn’t have said those words to you and got so aggressive.” Do not justify your behavior. Just express your feelings, but take responsibility for what you have said or done.
13. Accept your friend’s apology
Many times when you apologize, your friend will also apologize. If s/he apologizes, show him/her that you have accepted his/her apology and are ready to fix your broken friendship and return to normal. If your friend doesn’t apologize, you should do your best to make up because you are the one who has hurt your friend. If s/he starts talking to you again, give him/her time to share their ideas. Even if it hurts, you should listen. Put simply, you should give the benefit of the doubt and try to figure out how to work through this problem and get a friend back after you hurt them. Keep in mind that you have to be the best person you can be and do whatever it takes to keep your friend if you think this friendship is really worth it.
14. If your friend is still angry with you, give him/her more time
Your friend may not be ready to forgive you or end the argument. You should respect his/her feelings, but do not let it lead to a new argument. If s/he is still angry, ask him/her what you can do to make things better. If s/he doesn’t say anything, s/he may need more time to reconsider the past issues. In this respect, it’s important to let time pass and calm your friend down. S/he may need more time than you and there is nothing wrong with that.
15. Have a positive outlook
You and your friend may want to reconcile or end the friendship. In either case, you should end your conversation in a creative way. If you reconcile, hug each other and make the next appointment. And, if your friend is still upset with you, you can end the conversation with something like: “I still love you and if you want to talk to me, I’m all ears.”