Stop trying to change your partner

So many people spend more time second-guessing their partners’ behavior than examining their own comments and reactions. Moreover, trying to change your partner would be deadly if you have an intimate relationship. Thus, instead of changing your partner, you can focus on improving your own behavior. This article will shed light on the ways you can improve both your behavior and your relationship. So, it is very important, for you, to stop trying to change your partner by understanding the ways that help you change your own behavior. Read on to find out these ways.

Start by understanding this principle: The only person you can change is yourself

Stop trying to change your partner, because you can’t change your partner’s behavior directly. But if you realize how to change your behavior in a relationship you can indirectly change your interactions and behaviors towards your partner so that he/she can, also, feel the need to change or improve his/her behavior and you can see how your partner’s behavior has changed for the better over time.

Put aside blaming

The biggest obstacle to change your partner’s behavior is blaming him/her. Being blamed for everything in a relationship makes your partner defensive in that s/he feels whatever s/he does isn’t good enough or never will be. The most important point is to stop trying to change your partner by blaming him/her because it leads you to stay emotionally detached from your partner and, at the same time, s/he thinks that it would be impossible for him/her to change his/her behavior.

Understand and motivate your partner

Instead of trying to change your partner, put yourself in his/her shoes and try to understand him/her. Understanding your partner makes it easy for him/her to express his/her feeling to you and lets you know if s/he feels the need to change his/her behavior. At this point, you can motivate your partner and help him/her to move toward this change eagerly.

Try to focus on the positives

If you just look at your partner’s negative behavior, you will get caught up in it. Stop trying to change your partner and start learning how to see the good in your partner. In doing so, you just look for positive points in him/her. Next time, see if you can focus twice as much on the positives so that s/he will realize you aren’t after changing his/her behavior.

Reinforce positive behavior

When your partner does what you love, tell him/her honestly and positively how valuable it is to you, and avoid sarcasm or criticism. Even if something is unpleasant for you, avoid telling him/her in such a situation. Thus, using positive reinforcement to change behavior on the part of your partner is essential for you.

Communicate better

Avoid sarcasm or aggressive comments about her family and friends. Don’t force your partner to change his/her behavior. In this case, knowing how to communicate effectively in a relationship would be of concern to you because you will behave in a way that s/he will easily understand how you feel about his/her family and friends.

Make time to be together

Walking together is a natural and enjoyable way to talk about your likes and dislikes so that you can freely express your innermost thoughts and feeling to your partner. Mind that you should never ask your partner directly to change his/her behavior when you spend time together.

Choose the right words

When you want to have a conversation with your partner, use such words as “me” and “us” instead of “you should.” You can start your conversation with these sentences: “I need,” “we want,” and “I feel.” By choosing the right words or sentences, you will assure your partner that you won’t try to change his/her behavior and, in doing so, you will keep your conversation from turning into an argument.

Be honest with yourself

If you make a mistake, accept it. You should always be honest with yourself and focus on the behavior you want to change rather than changing your partner. Of course, these behaviors will be better and more controlled with the help of a counselor.

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